Thursday, December 25, 2014

A Note About Love

I sat here staring at this empty post and every time I'd start writing I would sit there, look at it, then immediately delete it. I kept starting over because I wanted to sit here and define love and talk about my experience but it kept sounding like one of those clichĂ© girls who look for those pre-conceived ideas of love portrayed by mass-media and call it love. 

I think I've been falling in love and it scares me, if you've been there, you know what I mean. There are so many pros and cons that you have to think about when you're in love. Don't get me wrong, I know that we're told that if you're in love with someone then there aren't any questions or concerns and if there are then you aren't really in love.

Yeah...I don't believe that, here's why. (Wait, I guess I am telling you about love and my definition)

I think that as a society we romanticize love in the sense that love is this big thing with sparks and you immediately know at first sight. Love can be romantic (the idealization meaning of the word) but you definitely shouldn't wear rose colored glasses because that's not healthy. They mask everything, they don't allow you to question yourself, the person, and the reasons why you love them and I honestly feel like that is a healthy part of being in love with someone. I'm not saying question them with an underlying air of doubt but question them to know them. 

I'm not talking about the what are your hopes and dreams or what is your favourite colour type of questions but questions that aren't necessarily verbal.
I say this because there are few beliefs I have that are never-changing and one of them is that actions speak louder than words. This can relate to so many different areas of life but for me it always applies particularly to my relationships. 

What I mean is that someone can constantly say they love you but if their actions don't show it, get out..get out now. -tangent, I'm sorry-

Go into a relationship with questioning eyes. Look at what your partner does and question it, continuously ask why and only ask why verbally when you really don't understand their motives. FYI people are fucking weird and sometimes we do weird shit for no reason.
But you'll begin to open them up. You'll see their chapters begin to unfold and show themselves to you. Study the things they do, the words they say. You will love them more for it, trust me and the answers to the questions will help them more than it helps you.

I'll tell you why I wrote all of this. I was having a conversation with my partner in crime and we were talking about what we know about each other. I was asking him questions about myself that I've never told him answers to and the same to me. It was weird because he never failed to answer a question incorrectly and that's when it hit me, it is about someone who cares enough to question your actions to understand your motives, never verbally asking you why but somehow figures out the answers and still sticks around. Someone who takes the time to pay attention to details that you probably don't even notice yourself.

I'll never forget what he said, he told me that the more time he spends around me, the more he falls in love. You have to get to know someone to fall in love with them, loving them is easy enough but falling in love is different, it's messy, it's passionate, it's worth it. Maybe this in it of itself is a romanticization of love but I think the point I'm trying to get across is that the person you love isn't an angel, they have flaws and you love them for that and more. I honestly feel like you can only do that by getting to know their raw selves and to do that you stick around them long enough to learn.

It's getting to know someone so well that they don't have to explain to them how you take your coffee, they've just been around you long enough and understand your taste buds well enough to make an educated and probably accurate guess. 

Take this as something to think about, I don't know if this is what I'll believe in a year from now but this is what I see in being loved and loving back. Let me know your thoughts, I hope this wasn't confusing.

Merry Christmas!