Life Is Like A Pack Of Starbursts

This will either resonate with you and you'll think I'm some type of genius or delude you to think that I'm a product of my 6am lack of sleep thoughts...or both, which I hope is what you get from this and also a new outlook on life (as far as I'm concerned, this is completely original).


Hey so the title of this post "LIFE IS LIKE A PACK OF STARBURSTS"

Well what does that mean?

My target audience for this to resonate with are those in some type of tertiary school.
We're all looking for a job, we are the starbursts. We a constantly waiting for a consumer to open up the lucky pack and find us. Those consumers are the companies we're hoping to hire us.


Yes, I know that starbursts are incapable of going out there and getting the job themselves but let's disregard for right now because as much as we want to think that's the way the world always works, it  sometimes doesn't. If the consumers don't want to eat us, we're not going to get eaten. We'll dry up, get hard and end up at the bottom of the bag that is society, old and inedible.

Good so far? Consumers=companies, starbursts=us


We have these different special packs of starbursts, like the sour ones or the slushies. Each special pack is a type of school (private, ivy-league) or original (traditional public) etc.

You get where I'm going with this?

You have some of these companies that are super picky consumers, they only want blue sour starbursts, that's it. If you're not one of these, they're not going to eat you. So much so that they constantly buy all of these sour blue starbursts that just in case they eat one, they have one to replace it.


With that said, even though consumers open up an original pack and fight over the reds and the pinks, there are consumers that are searching for the yellows and oranges, so don't give up if you're being fought over. Keep shining bright like the sun and a consumer will come along and eat you up.

This was probably really half-assed and I'm sure you can detect that but my brain made it really convoluted and I tried to simplify it for this post. The point was to make sure you know not to try and change your color but stand firm, shine bright, and someone will come along searching for you and only you.

Existential Exhaustion

A lot of my friends lately have noticed a change in my spark and presence and I didn't know how to explain why I've been so sad and exhausted, psychologically and existentially but this is it, this is why.

Enjoy

Existential Exhaustion

Here is the thing; I am tired.

Like, bone-deep exhaustion tired. I am tired of being dependable.

Tired of being someone who takes on all the responsibility for things, even when other people offer, tired of the accompanying guilt when I falter under the weight of that responsibility, or when I allow people to take one some of that responsibility and they struggle.

I am tired of being seen as dependable and smart and, therefore, intimidating.

I am tired, so existentially tired, of being constrained by other’s conceptions of who I am, of what I am, of who I should be.

I am tired of keeping all my crazy, less-than-dependable, less-than-nice thoughts to myself.

I am tired of being alone, of being the person that people depend on and the dull, endless ache of missing the one person I could always depend on, who would always be there for me.

I am tired of the guilt of feeling I somehow failed her, the stupid, ridiculous guilt of thinking I somehow should have been able to save her or to at least make it not so hard, not so painful, not so ugly and awful.

I am tired of being so consumed with my own pain that I don’t have the energy to get to know all the women I am now responsible for.

I am tired of not knowing how to help myself and thus unable to help them.

I am tired of feeling like every part of my life that truly matters is one epic failure after another.

I am tired of lying in bed not being able to sleep because my brain is full of worry and fear.

I am tired of waking up exhausted, of falling asleep in the middle of the day and havingvampire dreams.

I am tired of being intimidated by life, by the unknown, by the idea that I am set up to fail.

I am tired of not being the girl I remember, the girl who would spin around in her Wonder Woman Underoos thinking she could conquer the world. The girl who could confidently pose in her Teela and She-Ra costumes and mean it. The girl who didn’t yet know that when people told her she was smart and strong and responsible it wasn’t a compliment; it was a sentence to being given more work, more responsibility, more to do. The girl who hadn’t yet realized that Wonder Woman and Teela and She-Ra and all the smart, confident, strong women she loved to pretend to be were alone, left to save their worlds by themselves. That such women were branded ‘intimidating’ and to have any sort of life outside their strong, confident, world-saving selves had to create cover identities in which they pretended to be less-than and that only then would they have friends, but not really because they weren’t who they really were. They were who people wanted them to be.

I am tired of not knowing how to be that girl anymore, of saying yes when I desperately want to say no and saying no when I should say yes.

I am tired of putting off finding how to be that girl.

So I am going to take some time to myself, to figure out things I should have figured out a long time ago. Which means I might not be around for a while and I might not answer phone calls and I might not be the person you are used to.

But I’ll be fine. Because I am always fine.






-Scully, Scully Suppositions



Hey all If you've been wondering why I haven't been posting much, it's because I've been exhausted and I just never knew how to express it  but I think I found it here. I wanted to post this because it literally exemplifies everything that I have been going through. I am exhausted and demanded and balancing life is hard, so somethings have to hit the back burner for a sec. My self is fatigued and tired.